Post 1: Introductions
In the past five years I have pushed, struggled, and surrendered my way out of a skin that no longer felt comfortable. Closer yet, I have shedded many skins and continue to do so as I dive deeper into myself and in turn dive deeper into God. It is my belief that we each have the divine spark within us and every spark is a unique and inalienable thread that weaves us through the fabric of the universe. Akin to magic, we are weaving in and out of each other’s lives, echoing energy, and creating something far greater than the sum of its parts. Already spiritually perfect, we are master manifestors and alchemists. And in this, I am eager to share this journey with you.
This indirectly brings me to the title of this blog, Egret Idea. While I didn’t object to feeling a little punny, I mainly wanted a title that felt both personal and reflective. And birds are definitely personal to me. In fact, in a recent meditation, I was metaphysically visited by birds.
My meditation began as I tuned into the currents of energy radiating through my body, moving like an intricate network of rivers. Some time later, my consciousness shifted and I became aware of birds standing around me. They looked roughly like Egrets, but with immensely long, curved beaks.
This moment of divine intervention created a strong sense of trust and gratitude that I am both supported and protected. I’ve suddenly noticed how much bird-related art is in my house, never having realized what a strong affinity some unconscious part of me had to them. This in turn makes me wonder in what other ways my life is already aligned. I am filled with this blooming sense, strong and soft, that my life is utterly aligned and everything is unfolding just as it should. I am so grateful to see just a little bit closer to the center of truth and just a little bit closer to the center of God.
When this becomes a proper blog (hopefully soon!), I will pose questions like this one: What are some of your most poignant meditation or spiritual experiences? I would love to hear about them!
Sending you light and love,
Mattie
Post 2: I am free to be seen. I am a beacon. I am love.
In meditation, I practice connecting to my inner knowing and feeling my connection to higher consciousness. I practice visualizing light entering into and filling my body, illuminating my chakras, and transforming into a rainbow bridge. When I take the time to do this, to feel it and embody the process, the love I have feels limitless. I feel my body, but I also feel a strong sense of connectedness to all that is through a blurring of my boundaries.
So, I explore deeper, where even the shadowy, emotional corners of my consciousness are just facets of my identity and are worthy too of love and acceptance. And this is what I get to remind myself of on days that feel harried or even a little scary: I am my own vessel of peace. I am a beacon.
Sending you light and love,
Mattie
Post 3: Integration
It wasn’t until I was in college that I really started to sort through some of my suppressed feelings and worked on being open to emotion. Later, I even joined Alanon to help process my childhood.
I knew that feeling emotions was a challenge for me, but it wasn’t until I spoke with Soraia that I realized to what extent I was still avoiding them. She explained it like this: I was snorkeling in the ocean, but I was shaking my head and unwilling to stray from the surface. I was afraid to dive deeper into the water because I didn’t think I had what I needed. She said I was afraid of my emotions, because I thought I would get lost in a state of numbness. She reassured me that it was safe to dive deeper and that moving forward the universe would give me two choices: to feel my emotions or to feel my emotions. She went on to say that very soon I would be forced to feel more and in the process I would lose myself. But she told me not to worry, because I would find myself again and that when I did I would know myself on a deeper level and have a better understanding of how the various facets of myself fit together.
There is a quote by Thich Nhat Hanh that states, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” Strong emotions can be overwhelming for me, so I am practicing not assigning value to my emotions, but simply witnessing them. Honoring them and what they have to share with me and allowing them to move on as it is time for them to go. I do not need to judge or stay attached to emotions, they are not permanent states of being, but passing clouds for me to observe and appreciate. I realized that when I try to rush through them or go around them, I get stuck. So instead, I get to practice feeling and being present. I get to remind myself that being multifaceted is what makes me another beautiful and complex human with a wealth of emotional and enlightening experiences. And when I let go of fearing my shadow self, I open up to light, abundance, and integration.
Sending you light and love,
Mattie
Post 4
When I’m struggling or exhausted, I imagine submerging myself into dark water. I begin to sense the water around me, muting all sound, and I visualize the water absorbing my fear and leaving me rinsed out and empty. The kind of emptiness that feels like a clean slate. Although there is often a negative association with feeling empty, it can act as a transition to a healthier state of awareness. After mentally running on a hamster wheel or feeling an intense emotion like grief or anger, emptiness is cool and calm. It is like lying in bed and feeling the quietness around you. A chance to recharge.
In those moments, I am mindful about what I invite in to fill the emptiness. Like osmosis, emptiness does not stay void. Since something will invariably come to fill its place, I invite in light. A warm balmy sun that fills all the spaces with golden white light. It moves through all the cells, transcribing and translating DNA to manifest health and wholeness. I imagine the light pouring over and through me like warm milky water until I feel content.
The first time a message came to me was a few years ago. I was struggling with intense anxiety and finally, exasperated, I asked God for help. Immediately, an image filled my mind which then shifted and looked quite different, as if I had changed the angle from which I viewed the scene. And it struck me that fear is only perception, not, in fact, reality. Although simple, this realization was such a gift and I am so grateful for those moments of connection. These days, I receive messages for myself and other people and I feel so much joy and gratitude for this.
As a final thought wrapping up 2020, I want to extend my gratitude to the Unity community. I am so grateful to share a spiritual home and I look forward to more growth, more healing, more connection, and more love in 2021. Sending you light,
Mattie