Post 1:  Introductions

Introductions seem like the proper place to start. My name is Madeleine Parsell and I have the immense joy of sharing my voice and my truth with you each month. In this space, my goal is to be transparent and authentic about my personal journey and particularly about my journey with God.

In the past five years I have pushed, struggled, and surrendered my way out of a skin that no longer felt comfortable. Closer yet, I have shedded many skins and continue to do so as I dive deeper into myself and in turn dive deeper into God. It is my belief that we each have the divine spark within us and every spark is a unique and inalienable thread that weaves us through the fabric of the universe. Akin to magic, we are weaving in and out of each other’s lives, echoing energy, and creating something far greater than the sum of its parts. Already spiritually perfect, we are master manifestors and alchemists. And in this, I am eager to share this journey with you.

This indirectly brings me to the title of this blog, Egret Idea. While I didn’t object to feeling a little punny, I mainly wanted a title that felt both personal and reflective. And birds are definitely personal to me. In fact, in a recent meditation, I was metaphysically visited by birds. 

My meditation began as I tuned into the currents of energy radiating through my body, moving like an intricate network of rivers. Some time later, my consciousness shifted and I became aware of birds standing around me. They looked roughly like Egrets, but with immensely long, curved beaks.

In a dream-like fashion, my perspective shifted and I could see an aerial view of my body and the birds. My torso housed a koi fish pond. The water was murky and choppy as the shadowy fish darted below the surface. The birds began to insert their beaks into the pond to spear the fish. Eventually, one of the fish was caught and slowly extracted by their combined effort. As the fish emerged, it appeared as a shadow of undefinable shape, clinging to me, reluctant to leave. They flew off with the shadow and I was left with a strong sense that something important had happened; that something no longer serving me was pulled free. 

This moment of divine intervention created a strong sense of trust and gratitude that I am both supported and protected. I’ve suddenly noticed how much bird-related art is in my house, never having realized what a strong affinity some unconscious part of me had to them. This in turn makes me wonder in what other ways my life is already aligned. I am filled with this blooming sense, strong and soft, that my life is utterly aligned and everything is unfolding just as it should. I am so grateful to see just a little bit closer to the center of truth and just a little bit closer to the center of God.

When this becomes a proper blog (hopefully soon!), I will pose questions like this one: What are some of your most poignant meditation or spiritual experiences? I would love to hear about them!

Sending you light and love,

Mattie

Post 2:  I am free to be seen. I am a beacon. I am love.

One of my daily routines is to meditate and write 3 affirmations, which I send to a friend of mine. We’ve been doing this for a few months now and it has been a powerful practice for me. Depending on what I’m working on in my personal life or what intuitively feels exciting or “right,” my affirmations change. And lately, an important word for me has been beacon. So when I saw the definition for October’s power, Zeal, on the Unity website I felt connected. I was reading exactly what I was trying to manifest, which was, “The inner flame that burns brightly for all to see.” This has been my intention– to be free to be seen. Rather than be a pallet for other people’s energy and beliefs, I want to live a zeal existence by channeling my authentic light to my surroundings.

In meditation, I practice connecting to my inner knowing and feeling my connection to higher consciousness. I practice visualizing light entering into and filling my body, illuminating my chakras, and transforming into a rainbow bridge. When I take the time to do this, to feel it and embody the process, the love I have feels limitless. I feel my body, but I also feel a strong sense of connectedness to all that is through a blurring of my boundaries.

 

During the COVID shutdown I was meditating an hour or so a day. As a result, I often felt amazing. Life seemed to slow down, like moving in slow motion and that’s when it really struck home that Heaven is not a place, but a state of consciousness. There were moments, brief flashes of awareness, where I could see it. I could imagine people existing in this state of consciousness and Heaven being on Earth. Walking outside, I’d be struck by the perfection of all that is. I too would feel perfect, because how could something apart of perfection be something else? This is my belief: We are all spiritually perfect. It, like all things, is a state of consciousness, for reality is perception. As I evolve, my reality evolves and I wonder how much of my outward world is really changing. I suspect very little, because all that I am seeking exists within already. 

So, I explore deeper, where even the shadowy, emotional corners of my consciousness are just facets of my identity and are worthy too of love and acceptance. And this is what I get to remind myself of on days that feel harried or even a little scary: I am my own vessel of peace. I am a beacon.

Sending you light and love,

Mattie

Post 3:  Integration

This past July I had a reading done with a psychic, Soraia Rosa. Everything she said resonated with me, but what stood out the most was how she described my relationship with emotion, especially my resistance. Growing up, I knew I had bottled up emotions, largely because some of it would spill out in an Edgar Allan Poe-like fashion when I wrote poetry. On the whole, though, I prided myself on having a calm demeanor.

It wasn’t until I was in college that I really started to sort through some of my suppressed feelings and worked on being open to emotion. Later, I even joined Alanon to help process my childhood.

I knew that feeling emotions was a challenge for me, but it wasn’t until I spoke with Soraia that I realized to what extent I was still avoiding them. She explained it like this: I was snorkeling in the ocean, but I was shaking my head and unwilling to stray from the surface. I was afraid to dive deeper into the water because I didn’t think I had what I needed. She said I was afraid of my emotions, because I thought I would get lost in a state of numbness. She reassured me that it was safe to dive deeper and that moving forward the universe would give me two choices: to feel my emotions or to feel my emotions. She went on to say that very soon I would be forced to feel more and in the process I would lose myself. But she told me not to worry, because I would find myself again and that when I did I would know myself on a deeper level and have a better understanding of how the various facets of myself fit together.

Deep meditation has been a powerful tool for gaining a stronger sense of who I am and seeing my connection with all that is, but I am realizing this is not the whole picture. My higher self is one part of my integrated self. My identity also includes my emotions, my conscious self, my soul, and Spirit. In the midst of a busy and demanding life (like so many people) I have tried with daily meditation to “get back” to myself; to feel and connect with my true or higher self. But I realized that the goal is not to “go back,” but to pull that part of myself forward into “now.” I am meant to be grounded and present and bring as much peace into this moment as possible. And sometimes finding peace means feeling the feelings. 

There is a quote by Thich Nhat Hanh that states, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” Strong emotions can be overwhelming for me, so I am practicing not assigning value to my emotions, but simply witnessing them. Honoring them and what they have to share with me and allowing them to move on as it is time for them to go. I do not need to judge or stay attached to emotions, they are not permanent states of being, but passing clouds for me to observe and appreciate. I realized that when I try to rush through them or go around them, I get stuck. So instead, I get to practice feeling and being present. I get to remind myself that being multifaceted is what makes me another beautiful and complex human with a wealth of emotional and enlightening experiences. And when I let go of fearing my shadow self, I open up to light, abundance, and integration.

Sending you light and love,

Mattie

Post 4

My favorite color is indigo. To me, it is a rich, layered color. It is the color of insight, healing, and the 3rd eye chakra. You could get lost in indigo, like swimming blindly in the sea. You could give it your troubles and it would swallow them whole, transmuting them into nothingness.

When I’m struggling or exhausted, I imagine submerging myself into dark water. I begin to sense the water around me, muting all sound, and I visualize the water absorbing my fear and leaving me rinsed out and empty. The kind of emptiness that feels like a clean slate. Although there is often a negative association with feeling empty, it can act as a transition to a healthier state of awareness. After mentally running on a hamster wheel or feeling an intense emotion like grief or anger, emptiness is cool and calm. It is like lying in bed and feeling the quietness around you. A chance to recharge.

In those moments, I am mindful about what I invite in to fill the emptiness. Like osmosis, emptiness does not stay void. Since something will invariably come to fill its place, I invite in light. A warm balmy sun that fills all the spaces with golden white light. It moves through all the cells, transcribing and translating DNA to manifest health and wholeness. I imagine the light pouring over and through me like warm milky water until I feel content.

I’ve come to realize how critical visualizations are for processing and healing. I’ve also come to be observant of images that suddenly pop into my mind– they usually carry an important message. 

The first time a message came to me was a few years ago. I was struggling with intense anxiety and finally, exasperated, I asked God for help. Immediately, an image filled my mind which then shifted and looked quite different, as if I had changed the angle from which I viewed the scene. And it struck me that fear is only perception, not, in fact, reality. Although simple, this realization was such a gift and I am so grateful for those moments of connection. These days, I receive messages for myself and other people and I feel so much joy and gratitude for this.

As a final thought wrapping up 2020, I want to extend my gratitude to the Unity community. I am so grateful to share a spiritual home and I look forward to more growth, more healing, more connection, and more love in 2021. Sending you light,

Mattie

Post 5: February 2021

This month, my focus is gratitude. In the next couple of months I am anticipating some change. And even when I say I want change, once I know it is really happening I can go into fear mode and try to control the situation. I can get caught up in thoughts and doubts and ego. Luckily, in the midst of this hamster wheel thought process, I remembered, “oh yeah, I’ve been here before.” And recalling that made me realize that not only have I been here before, but everything worked out. I opened up to hear and feel my way forward and the pieces came together. And in remembering this, I felt so grateful, which is something I have to remind myself to do– to say “thank you.” To make space for gratitude even when I am looking fear in the eye or when the threat is gone and I wondered what I was so worried about.

I remind myself to take a moment, or few moments, to soak in my joy as a way of giving thanks that everything turned out all right or that progress was made. As many Unity members believe, my thoughts are vibrations inviting new events and opportunities into my life. It takes work and practice for me to consistently send positive invitations out into the universe.

Ultimately, gratitude is my strongest prayer and greatest ally. Gratitude helps rewire my brain to find hope and happiness around me– to find small bits of magic as I move through the day. Gratitude is my God-consciousness that aligns me to the Oneness and helps me take another step forward on my path towards fulfillment.  

With that thought in mind, these are a few things I am grateful for: 

I am grateful for my wonderful friends and my supportive family. I am grateful to have a job that allows me to serve. I am grateful for new, beautiful opportunities to expand my passions. I am grateful for my abundant life. I am grateful to see, to hear, to feel, and to know. I am grateful to be. I am excited to be living here and now.

Lastly, thank you to you. I am grateful for the profound and encompassing us and ours. I hope today finds you joyful, free, and grateful.

Mattie

Post 6

I am in a process of opening. I am in new ways seeing my value and my worth. Sometimes I see myself in my mind’s eye as a flower just opening in preparation to blooming. I see the early gaps between the petals and can feel the light touching on new places previously hidden. I sit surrendering to the sunlight as it flows over and through me, absorbing the warmth, the reassuring feel of sunlight on skin. I imagine breathing in the light and feeling each petal relax into new positions of opening and grace. I watch as I bloom fully, breathing in the promise of the moment, the present opportunity to stand out and be seen– fully. Perhaps for the first time. This is what I am here to do. Be me. Be seen. Be accepted unconditionally, most especially by myself.
I am the flower. I am all life and all love. I am all potential and all power. I am limitless, unbound by human thought or constraint. I am free to live a loving existence filled with self-approval and hope.  

We are all flowers. We are all beings of grace and beauty, breathing into the moment and sometimes allowing the wash of a storm to roll over us, but our flexible stalks straighten and we stand tall again. We are love. We are limitless. We are beautiful. We are grace in expression. What is your perfect potential calling you to do, dear friend? Breathe deep and lean in, dive in, allow the light in. I am with you. We are all together now.

Mattie

Letting Go

I discovered loss under an old shelf of anger. Suddenly I remembered that feeling acutely: loss so severe my knees trembled and I tried to grab what could hold me steady. Hands stretched out over the floor, comfort found in the grounding texture of abrasive carpet. A darkness pressing in like hands forcing air out of an accordion. I discovered my heart was broken and I could feel it clenching around the emptiness like a hungry stomach.

This was loss, not one massive loss, but many losses spread out over months and years like pebbles skittering away underfoot. I discovered that empty part of myself– that nursed brokenness, resurfaced on the tail of a montage of memories. And I realized unacknowledged loss has stood between me and receiving– giving, receiving, being love. It was this harbored place inside me I didn’t know was there, but still yawning wide, igniting fear.

So, Loss, I see you, I hear you, and I feel you. I am your voice and I honor you. I honor the space you occupied inside of me. I respect you and your devotion. You are an old friend, so constant and loyal I forgot you stood by my side. But friend, it is time to go. The world is waiting and I release you to be recycled and reused; transmuted into a new feeling. We are transforming and reemerging into wholeness, you and I. With great respect, I let you go.  

And this is what I choose:
To be free to receive. I choose wholeness and the fullness of this moment filling my cup and spilling out in rivers of abundance. I am endless and receiving. I am endless and giving. I am the lightness of One. I am One. I am.

I choose healing.

Mattie
April 2021

Our Twelve Divine Powers

Power for April: Love
Apostle: John
Area of Body: Heart
Color: Pink
Love: The ability to attract, desire, and unify.
Affirmation: I am a center of love.